| Madeleine's Daughter Bridal of Portsmouth, NH | ||||
| 01:48pm 13/01/2011 | ||||
Now in my mid-20s, I recently made an appointment to try on wedding gowns after seeing their display at a bridal show, this was the email I received shortly after visting their location: "I noticed you made an appointment on Mon Jan 17 to try on wedding gowns. I know that you came in a few years ago as well, and based on your purchasing history with us and our prom store Soiree, I'm sorry to say that we need to cancel your appointment and will not be able to help you in the future. Thank you, Juhree Juhree Murphy Store Manager Madeleine's Daughter (603)431-5454" I obviously would not recommend this store to anyone based on their blatant refusal to provide a reasonable opportunity for me to try on and potentially purchase my next sample dress. If you require multiple visits and/or time to finalize your important gown decision they will not cater to your needs. Clearly they do not want return customers or positive reviews. |
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bitchy| Survivalist Mentality. | ||||
| 10:50am 05/08/2010 | ||||
It was more than a subconscious illusion. Creating my own comfort in harsh or otherwise unfavorable conditions has always been an unspoken passion. Even if I must create the personal conditions through which I must thrive by the creativity of survival in order to experience that feeling. A feeling of being alive and connected to this world. I travel to a nearby location where I might acquire the means for living. I prepare my most used modern implements by turning on my work computer and picking up a pen on my desk. These will help me avoid the conflicts in this potentially dangerous environment. A friendly co-worker stops at my cubicle on the 3rd floor and asks me how I'm doing, to which my response is, "I'm getting by; I'm surviving." But am I really? Is filling out paperwork in a 3rd floor office 9 hours everyday in exchange for a moderate salary really living? My attention is drawn to the tree outside my window as my mind wanders from the mundane task before me long enough for my boss to take notice and redirect my focus accordingly. |
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contemplative| In Focus. | ||||
| 03:53pm 31/12/2009 | ||||
Last month, in perhaps my largest individual purchase to date, I bought a new car. After some shopping around, I decided to exchange my 2003 Chevy Malibu ($2k on trade-in with $4k in rebates) for a 2009 Ford Focus. It's the first new car I've ever owned and I loved it from the moment I sat inside. It has an array of interesting features including a bluetooth audio feed (over which I can play music from my iphone automatically or place calls), Sirius Radio, 6-CD, a hard wired Aux audio input, USB Port (which I either use for the 5VDC source or for the car's Sync Voice Command link to my phone's contacts and music), a large subwoofer in the trunk (tuned perfectly to the resonant frequency of the vehicle), sun/moon roof (which I've never had prior), and variable internal LED floor lighting. Silver. Everything I need in a car with better fuel economy than my last vehicle. As far as 2010, I have realistic and optimistic expectations for my resolutions. (1) Financially, I would like to see $40k in my local savings account, increase my roth IRA contributions and pay off the new car I bought last month. (2) I'd like to continue working out 2~3 times per week and cook more meals at home. I plan to look into breast augmentation as well. Lastly, (3) I'd like to further increase my quality of life including planning an exotic vacation, making a couple more large purchases, and begin to consider Graduate School fulltime possibly in the field of Architectural Design given my recent fascination with Solar design integration. These resolutions are ambitious; they will require my Focus. Happy New Year! |
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optimistic| Recession-Proof. | |||
| 11:55pm 11/11/2009 | |||
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One of my New Years Resolutions this year was to save some money, $25000 to be exact in my Money Market account. I invested a lump sum of money while Savings interest rates were high in January which matured in October, earning me some decent dividends even while the market tanked. Well, today at 4pm, I exceeded that financial goal made possible in part by my tenured Electrical Engineering position. I worked a great deal of overtime this year to make this possible and now I wonder to myself, was it worth it? |
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| Overtime. | |||
| 02:01pm 21/10/2009 | |||
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Time keeps slipping away from me. I've been working alot of overtime lately, but posts containing more modeling pics are on the way. I haven't had too many modeling gigs lately, but I have been conducting many paranormal investigations as the tech manager of several groups in the area, including another private residence this weekend. One of my larger investments matured last week, which is playing a major role in my financial goal for this year. More about this next month. I haven't been great at updating my journal, but hopefully I will post more often now that I have the LJ ap for my iphone. Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Marital Bliss. | ||||
| 12:37pm 28/08/2009 | ||||
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small} and his girlfriend Christina. I went bridesmaid dress shopping in the months prior and suggested a nice strapless dress from the David's Bridal bridesmaid collection. After purchasing the dress, I had a David's Bridal Seamstress alter the garment twice and it fit very well. I also had a purse dyed to match the gown. In the weeks prior to the event, I spent time at the beach in my bikini to give my skin a little more color since the dress was a deep plum. A bunch of us stayed in the same hotel room, which provided an opportunity to have impromptu musical sessions with various instruments to be used at the wedding. We did some shopping at the massive 4-story Pallisades Shopping Center in Nyack, NY. The traditional Catholic wedding was happening at a parish in Sloatsburg, NY. The three bridesmaids had our hair and makeup done Saturday morning and the wedding was that afternoon followed by pictures in a park and the reception until late. A few of us from the wedding party decided to drive to Times Square in NYC at 2am in our formal attire. Overal, an amazing experience and tons of fun! ( The wedding was beautiful. ) |
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chipper| I'm broken. | |||
| 06:45pm 25/07/2009 | |||
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I think that this is one of the most descriptive pictures taken of me in my time thus far modeling. It was taken on the 5th floor of an abandoned building in which a photography studio is established in Lawrence, MA. I purposely positioned my face near the edge of a shard of broken glass in a window pane to create the illusion of actually being broken, perhaps emotionally. This goes very well with my Fragile post of a couple years ago, an event which still leaves me emotionally fragile. The lyrics below are taken from a song which goes extremely well with the mood created by this image. I highly recommend giving it a listen as well.  One last kiss one only Then I'll let you go Hard for you I've fallen But you can't break my fall I'm broken don't break me When I hit the ground Some devil some angel Has got me to the bones You said always and forever Now I believe you baby You said always and forever Is such a long and lonely time |
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| Nudity. | ||||
| 05:16pm 05/07/2009 | ||||
 From a photoshoot in Lawrence, MA.  From my second Fetish Fashion show. |
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good| Studio Photoshoot. | |||
| 04:28pm 16/05/2009 | |||
Here are some images produced from another recent photoshoot from a photography studio in Southern ME.  ( Studio Photoshoot. ) |
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| My 2nd Goth Fetish Fashion Show! | ||||
| 06:56pm 23/04/2009 | ||||
 Come out to support the show and see me sporting skin-tight latex and cool hair falls in my second fashion show! |
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calm| Professional Photoshoot. | |||
| 12:02pm 09/04/2009 | |||
Here are some images produced from a recent photoshoot. This was my first paid shoot with an excellent hairstylist on site and a pretty good photographer. ( Professional. ) |
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| Fetish Fashion Show pictures! | |||
| 05:51pm 11/03/2009 | |||
Last Friday night was my first fashion show and was held at Castillo's Nightclub in Everett, MA. This is what my outfit looked like: ( Prep Pics! ) |
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| Fetish Fashion Show! | |||
| 09:39am 21/02/2009 | |||
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I've gotten back into modeling recently as my new hobby. I've been busy this year so far, posing for more photoshoots this year than ever before. Check out my constantly updated new modeling portfolio on Model Mayhem! Come out and see me in my first runway fashion show, showcasing some awesome fetish designs and amazing hair fall creations! The show is March 6th at Club Castillo in Everett, MA.  |
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| Preface. | ||||
| 07:27pm 08/10/2008 | ||||
Also, new Ebay Auctions from me! |
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bored| About Face. | ||||
| 10:26am 03/10/2008 | ||||
With sudden inspiration of beauty, I've decided to give myself a mini makeover this weekend, mainly focusing on facial features. This includes, but is not limited to, a more flattering medium-length hair style, use of hair products, eyebrow shaping, eyelash curling, new cosmetics, repainting of my acrylic nails, and potentially a new outfit (or at the very least, a different style than my usual jeans and a tshirt). I feel tarished with the filth of complacency. I desire change. All I need is someone to save me, refreshing my countenance with the exfoliation of positive change. The result will be interesting, especially for one as blue-eyed and dirty [blonde] as I. |
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giddy| Ninja-like Stealth. | |||
| 04:45pm 04/08/2008 | |||
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I realize that it's been a while since I updated, and I apologize, but I've been rather busy with school and work and other responsibilities. I've been in a relationship since my last post with an attractive, open-minded, lesbian-identified, well-spoken feminine girl. Work is pretty stressful these days, and I hope to take another semester at UNH continuing education this fall. Well, let's see, as far as my new year's resolutions go, I'm doing pretty well. My name change went smoothly and I'm planning to get voice lessons started with an excellent coach in MA soon. I make the final payment for my student loans this week, allowing me to be completely debt-free. I received an A in the graduate course I took this past Spring semester (during which I was at sea for a week in February), giving me a solid start to a potentially rewarding graduate program admission. I recently purchased one of the new 80Gb PS3s (I managed to acquire one of 7 that were in Portsmouth on the day the new models were released), which I've enjoyed playing (primarily Heavenly Sword and GTA4) and to which I've connected my many DVRs for the transferring of video files. I'm also thinking about buying a new laptop computer this week to replace the one I bought last year at this time. I've also joined a Paranormal Investigation Team after seeing the show "Ghosthunters" on Sci-Fi. With my knowledge of electrical engineering and numerous portable DVRs, I rapidly became the tech manager of the group. |
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| Rebirth. | |||
| 12:28am 30/01/2008 | |||
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At the last moment while filling out the name change paperwork and browsing short J names for my middle name online, one choice became so blantantly obvious that I was surprised that it had never been on my list. Effective 8:56am yesterday morning, my first and middle names were legally changed from "Charles Joseph" to "Charlie Joe". Amazing. |
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| Year in review & Resolutions. | |||
| 09:31pm 30/12/2007 | |||
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2007 wasn't a wonderful year for me, but I'm glad I pulled through. I worked alot, and although I gained a number of new unique experiences, I feel that the year wasn't what I wanted it to be. A chart similar to last year's would be slightly different with primarily horizontal lines of financial and social success. I need 2008 to be different. These are my somewhat unrealistic resolutions for the next year. 1) Pay off my student loans. I've done a decent job at making a dent in them, but I want the loans completely gone for obvious reasons. I've paid them down to $15k. I'd be happy with paying them down within a couple thousand by this time next year. 2) Do the fulltime female thing (reclaiming a female pronoun in all aspects of my life, specifically, at work). Starting with a name change, potential voice lessons, and writing a letter with appropriate attachments (such as statements from medical professionals) for my supervisors at work since they don't seem to get the whole Charlie-looks-like-a-girl thing. 3) Start writing the book I've been meaning to write... or some other success-based accomplishment/goal to be announced at a later date this year. This may include a solid start to grad school or relocation to a higher paid career. Another year. This one better not suck. |
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| Graffiti. | |||
| 08:09pm 19/12/2007 | |||
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I'm so bad about updating this thing. I've been working 70 hours per week and taking a very difficult graduate class in Engineering at the University of New Hampshire. I would wake up at 4am to get into work on time by 6, work my 10 hours, drive straight to campus from work, attend class from 5 to 6 and get some homework done until 9pm at which time I would return to my condo and try to get some sleep before doing it all over again. Whew, I'm glad to be done with that for now. I have 2 questions for you, my reader: One is a poll-type question: I'll be changing my name legally soon and I have certain criteria. I want the same initials (C.J.B.) and something feminine for which "Charlie" remains to be a oral nickname (spelling doesn't matter too much). I am thinking about a feminine spelling of Charlie or Charles which still looks feminine on paper, such as: Charlize/Charlise/Charlea/Charli/Charlei I'm interested in a vote on these (or suggestions): 1) Charlize 2) Charlea 3) Charlie 4) Charli Also, I haven't given much thought to a simple middle name, so I'm open to suggestions there as well. And the other is a hypothetical: What would you do if you discovered your name featured in vulgar bathroom stall graffiti at your workplace? |
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| Stardust. | ||||
| 04:42pm 27/08/2007 | ||||
I eagerly wished at that time to see the movie, because then I could finally walk out of a first-run theater, contrasting the adaptation I had witnessed to the book I read last week, perhaps saying aloud, "The book was much better" or "It's interesting how the director portrayed...". There is slightly more gay & transgender undertones to the movie regarding the sky pirate played by Robert De Niro and a small speaking role for the peasant-boy-turned-helper-girl. In a world of magical creatures and mythical things, I find it strange that the only thing the lead character gave a confused look to was the girl with the deep voice. The endings also differed greatly, which I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the movie or read the book, but actually I rather enjoyed both. Which begs the question, is it possible to love 2 different endings of the same story? Consistent thoroughout both was the theme of love and happiness causing one's heart and aura to glow and shine. I liked this concept a great deal. I'd like to think that I'm shining considerably brighter myself these days. 
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| Tangled. | ||||
| 06:36pm 17/07/2007 | ||||
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numb| A Day in the Garden. | ||||
| 04:11pm 14/06/2007 | ||||
This past weekend was my first professional photo shoot, from which I will be creating a modeling portfolio. These images were taken in Prescot Park near downtown Portsmouth, NH, which is located right across the river from Maine and my place of employment. The photographer was very professional and skilled at getting flattering angles of me without capturing any people wandering around the public garden on such a gorgeous sunny day. He took a total of 967 pictures, 45 of which are shown here as resized high-resolution unaltered digital proofs. I numbered them for easy reference. I am pleased with the results and I am confident that most of you will be as well considering this was quite possibly the best photo shoot I've done to date. I've posted these on facebook and myspace, but I'll include additional pictures on here that weren't shown in other places. Here are the results from my first professional photo shoot. Enjoy!  ( Prescot Park: A Day in the Garden ) |
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happy| Dreams & Goals. | ||||
| 05:03pm 22/05/2007 | ||||
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| 11:45am 01/04/2007 | ||||
As of 4pm on Friday March 29, 2007, I am officially on hormone therapy (yes, monitored by an actual doctor), which probably would not have been possible if I hadn't self-medicated for the past few years (but I wouldn't recommend it). I was only expecting to maybe get Proscar, but surprisingly, he also wrote a prescription for estrogen. My doctor prescribed Estradiol 2mg and Proscar 5mg. Awesome. |
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| Bait & Switch 2: Trial & Error. | |||
| 05:56pm 27/03/2007 | |||
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The following results are extracted from real experiences with women I've encountered while out dancing at Dyke Night and the like, using a random sample of attractive girls under each type of approach. The conclusion of this trial determined the most appropriate pick-up line/introduction for my particular unqiue situation. Scenario 1: closeted regarding transgenderism. Results: 0~5% Satisfaction, mostly alone. Scenario 2: eventually coming out as transgendered. Results: 20~30% Satisfaction, a few friends. Scenario 3: Using a cleverly chosen pick-up line. Results: >100% Satisfaction, numerous phone numbers, and 50% active pursuit by romantically-interested females after first meeting. Say it with Pride. |
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| Bait & Switch. | ||||
| 07:13pm 05/03/2007 | ||||
 I can't help but think at times that there's something possbily more appropriate I should be doing with regards to my gender presentation. I mean I enjoy going out on dates with girls and I love meeting new interesting people and I enjoy making out/dancing with many cute lesbians at Dyke Night, however, as soon as the lesbians that I've attracted discover I'm transgendered they lose all accrued interest regardless of the mutual connection we had established prior. It's not that I'm not attracting lesbian women, it's that I'm attracting the wrong type of women and I'm not sure exactly what I should do differently (i.e. wear a shirt that says "Trans Pride"/"Gender hybrid"/"Bigender Pride", stop wearing a virtually functionless bra, etc). Whether connecting online or in person, the results have been the consistently the same lately. (And, no, I don't avoid the topic of my transgendered state; I am very open.) This has become an increasing problem as my presentation has become more and more convincingly feminine. I would almost compare it to, say, attracting ants with a sugar-substitute: convincing in appearance, however, not what they're expecting upon closer inspection. Of course one can argue that eventually one will want the sugar-substitute or be openminded enough to try the stuff, but that's not the issue. It's exactly the opposite problem I used to face as a closeted crossdresser early in my college years, when I wouldn't tell any prospective girlfriend that I sometimes exibit feminine traits; lately I haven't been telling them that I was born male and retain my birth genitalia. In either case, concern is given to exactly when one should disclose this information. The current issue seems to be dual in nature: that I lack female gentilia (but pass remarkably well) and that the stereotypical definition of lesbianism is primarily defined using biological sex as opposed to psychological gender, even in the minds of most biologically-female self-proclaimed "openminded" lesbians. What's a half-male/half-female to do about this? Perhaps I'm thinking about this the wrong way. It takes a person of incredible mental strength and self-confidence to survive a night in bed with me due to my current dual nature. This could be a preliminary elimination stage to filter those unworthy... but they're so damn cute. Note: I'm just stating general observations. |
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| Birthday Festivities. | ||||
| 04:11pm 11/02/2007 | ||||
And the VGA signal splitter I ordered arrived in the mail yesterday, allowing me to display my computer screen on both my monitor and my new LCD TV. Yay for new things and good friends. |
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content| Analysis. | ||||
| 12:40pm 01/01/2007 | ||||
 ( 2006 Analysis. ) As stated in my previous posting, this year brought more diverse highs and lows than ever experienced for me. It was a very interesting year, one from which I came out much more mentally strong. Key events I'm looking forward to in 2007 include: doing well at work, turning 25 (this is actually a big one for me for reasons I'll discuss later), starting graduate school at UNH, volunteering more (related to my 3rd New Years resolution), initating the book I've planned to write (regarding gender exploration), paying off my Malibu (within the first few weeks more than likely), investing for retirement (yeah, I know), and taking more paid vacations (this week is my first paid vacation ever). These aren't resolutions since they are mostly inevitable occurrances. New Years 2006 was enjoyable. I went to STYXX nightclub in Portland, which was both my first time going out to a club for a New Years celebration and my first time at STYXX. It was also my first midnight kiss to ring in the new year. I had a good time. |
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| Perpetuate. | ||||
| 04:53pm 31/12/2006 | ||||
This year brought far more different ideas and feelings to me than any year previous. Feelings of pure bliss, mostly, in acquiring new friends and that in regards to romantic love. Overall, the year was wonderful. Not only did I defeat any doubt in the collective minds of my family and friends in terms of being a successful individual, but I developed some very strong connections to those around me. I managed to go from living in a room in a trailer and working minimum wage to having a 2-story, 2-bedroom apartment to myself (which, as of yesterday, also has a 32 inch TV and a home theater downstairs) and an excellent engineering career. I would also like to thank everyone I met for the first time on May 13, 2006, for that day had many different profound and lasting effects upon me. Resolutions are funny concepts. They embody the essence of that we wish to change about ourselves and create the notion that this change can occur. Although a few are maintained perpetually in the coming year, most are forgotten and lost entirely. I was, fortunately, able to retain at least of my resolutions from last New Years Eve. These New Years resolutions will be somewhat more difficult to accomplish. I resolve to be a better person. For me, this may include being more friendly, taking more time to listen to others, and becoming more cheritible. I also would like to stop biting my nails... and take more pictures of friends. May the next be better than the last, in love, health, and kindness for all. |
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accomplished| Happy Holidays | ||||
| 11:35am 17/12/2006 | ||||
I've started the Portsmouth Footbag/Hacky Sack Club as well. Hopefully, when I start grad school at UNH, I can register the group with campus recreation, converting it to the "UNH Footbag Club". I'm also looking at volunteering opportunities with Seacoast Outright & mentoring GLBT youth in general. I've been going to alot of lesbian dances in the area and in Boston, from which I've met some really cool friends. I've more-or-less stopped going to Club 313 in Manchester ever since that akward bathroom debacle brought about by the management. Of all the places to have an issue with me using the female bathroom, who would've guessed it to be a gay danceclub! What's everyone's plans for the Holidays? |
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gender_blender |
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Friends Info Calendar Charlie's Modeling portfolio |
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